Do you know how hard it is to draw a mecha? It's hard. I have to draw it in various poses and his head is too detailed. I have to now redesign it again just so I can draw it from a front view. I hate this so much.

  

I changed his face so many times. But now I have him all drawn out and he looks pretty good.

I hate emotions so much. Sometimes I'll be fine but other times I feel like the world is crashing own on me. Im sure it's just because it's so cold. But there is no in between. There is no just okay.

I feel like a child sometimes. I have an amazingly perfect relationship because I have an amazingly perfect man. But then I start thinking and that just makes me feel worse. I forget this isn't a dumb little high school relationship. He's an adult I'm an adult. He's not going to just to go  "Oh I don't want to date you anymore." Because that's not what you do when a relationship is working and both parties are happy and making the relationship and I forget that a lot and I just make myself sad and miserable and I can't help but think so negatively. I mean I'm me for Christ sake. Im not special. I'm not someone worth keeping but yet he loves me and chose me out of all the other girls and I just don't get why. And that makes me feel like a child.

Today is...

Monday again. Meaning school. It wasn't as bad as normal.  My psychology teacher seemed on edge tho. I learned that I won't be fucked with at the career center which is good. Maybe now my anxiety will calm down. Merlin, my black not so standard, standard poodle was shaved today. He's looks like a new dog and my cat thinks so too. He spits and hisses at him. I think he's hiding in my parents bathroom right now.

My hair has gotten really purple all of a sudden but I don't know if I like it. I kinda wanna bleach the ends again and have it be reddish. But I have to let my hair settle a bit. I was going to write something else but the thought has faded like a whisper in the wind. But life is getting easier for once. I'm actually happy for more than one day out of the week. I can smile and mean it. I can laugh at funny things again kinda. Oh I remember now. Last semester I used to be interior design well now that I'm in welding my interior design class misses me so much. Almost every time I see them they all most of them go "Cynthia!!!" and it makes me so happy but I don't why. They all say I made that class tho I don't know how. I just drew most of the time and was smart ass. But I miss them as well but I think welding is better.

Here's some art.

An Insight

In case you don't know I'm Cynthia M. David. Future wife of Tim David. Now don't get on my case because most people don't know our relationship. They don't see how we act with each other. we're not some high school relationship. We're real and are committed to each other. But I'm just a simple girl from the hell hole of a city Billings in a state that doesn't deserve it, Montana. If you don't know where hat is, look on a map and you'll see we are not apart of Canada. I was born December 26, 1995, making me an adult if you wish to acknowledge that. i draw and paint. I sing and write. I don't do anything stupid like drugs or drink.
I see no point in it. I like my life the way it is. Simple. I don't know what else to put. I guess you can just ask away if you like.